When I first took the first step back into painting, in 2016,
after a number of years of not picking up a tube of paint, I just wondered if I could do it again and will I enjoy painting again.
What encouraged me in returning was it was a goal I set for myself suffering from deep depression (Mental Health Therapies advice set daily goals) and deciding to come off from medication, the challenge was simply to try. Anybody who knows or lives with chronic depression will understand facing the outside world can be a step too far, it has to come from your inner self, to challenge and break the cycle.
Background how I felt taking for antidepressants tablets
Not sure if I’m right or wrong but as the illness grew the stronger the tablets were prescribed and somehow it made things fill worst an emptiness inside, I knew then I had to do something otherwise I will be on them for months, and maybe years & stronger yet. I hated myself relying on them to get through the day. So like smoking, I stopped yep the doctor was concerned about the decision I made and the possible side effects. (don’t stop anti depressants or panic attacks tablets without 1st seeking doctors advice)
But I think in the long run it was the best decision for myself to have made, it’s not an easy decision a risk.
Meeting with Disability Resource Centre (DRC)
It was months later when I made an appointment with Disability Resource Centre, the charity who helps and supports folk like me to rebuild their self-esteem & confidence with training etc, help them on a path.
I met John from DRC after chatting about the reasons why I left work and what support I could have in coping with dyslexia, Once I was in a position to consider going back into the workplace, at that stage facing a PC was not on the cards so to speak. But its down to him that he encouraged me to rethink what my future career could be.
After all, I was in a position to try something new, with the support they could provide in the long run they could help.
But in the meantime, the idea of rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence go back to painting and see where that leads me, volunteering to teach art may be an option.
Outcome of meeting with DRC
This inspired me to paint again, not only it felt like it replaced the tablets in coping with the illness, it made me feel like life had started inside me.
Having Dyslexia & Verbal Dyspraxia all my life and found ways of coping with it, until a change in circumstances at work I was made to feel incompetent just picking up the phone.
Those voices inside your head telling you are crap, worthless were vanishing.
The painting was the start of my new life of discovering without painting I don’t know where I would be today.
It’s not the end of depression I still get bouts of it but found if I concentrate on my art it helps.